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Friday, June 13, 2003
Hello, blog. I'm still worried about this little episode. I'm managing to keep calm most of the time. I just focus on one thing. No channel-surfing and no multi-tasking for me. But when I ask myself what I should do about it to help myself so it doesn't happen again, that's when I panic.
Yesterday, I went to the yarn store and made one decision. It was not that scary. I'm making a new sweater from Rowan #25 called Saffron. But I'm making it from Rowan 4-ply soft (the merino wool) not the cotton, as they suggest. When I knit with cotton, my work gets too tight and I can hardly move the stitches along the needles.
(click me)
I tried out some Mission Falls and even though it is very pretty, it is hard to work with - for me - and I don't enjoy it.
But here is what I wanted to make out of it - and maybe I still will because I bought the pattern and I'm tempted to play with cables.. but I really want something with sleeves.
(This is from the Spring 2003 Tahki booklet.) Anybody ever knit with Tahki? How is it?
Today we had a pot-luck good-bye party for my boss, and I managed to do my part. Now I'm super sleepy from Mexican food and cake. Tomorrow I'm going to a BBQ and I need to make a dessert for it tonight.
Regarding the money. I'm going to pay my car insurance and make an extra car payment. Two sensible choices, no? And, I will get a new matress. The couch will have to wait until I own my car.
posted by Stella 3:28 PM
Thursday, June 12, 2003
I've managed to tune the radio in my head to just one channel. Really, that's how my thoughts were yesterday, like when you turn the dial on a radio from station to station really fast. I still can't decide anything but whenever I think of the decision, I tell myself I'm not going to torture myself anymore. I need something to focus on but not obsess.
Knitting helps. My mom sent me a box of chocolates and those helped, as well. I also got a very pretty 14K necklace with gold & garnet beads and a little garnet pin that looks like a bowtie. (And more $$$ to obsess about.) I'm going to the yarn store after work, for sure.
And somebody special sent me a little email, and that's making me smile today.
posted by Stella 11:54 AM
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
I still feel neurotic. I canNOT make a single, simple decision. What to wear. Do I ride my bike or do I take the bus. Do I ride my bike or do I go to Pilates. Do I knit with cotton or with wool. What do I even want to knit. Do I buy a new couch, new matress, make a big car payment, car insurance or what. Do I eat more protein or more carbs. Do I have an eating disorder. I wish I could make these thoughts in my head shut up. Which makes me wonder, am I really crazy like the people in the street, talking to themselves. Should I talk to my doctor. Do I think more pills are the solution. How do you ever know what is the right thing to do and what will make me happy? Is my life going the right way. How do you ever know what's the right way. Am I the only person who has these racing thought in their head. I had a margarita at lunch time and that made me feel better for about an hour but because I can't handle alcohol, now I just feel crappy. :((((( It must be my birthday. I wonder if I should be sitting in a nice home in Marin with my husband and some kids and would that make me happy. I want this to stop. Please. Yes I feel fucked up today. I've been having these thoughts all day and I've been unable to make a decision for a days, and I hate it. Everything I try to do makes me feel under pressure.
My sky fiber came today and it's not as pretty as the ebay picture but it's pretty nonetheless. Oh well. Live and learn.
posted by Stella 4:11 PM
Monday, June 9, 2003
I had a neurotic weekend. I did not know what to do with myself. It was foggy and the sun never broke through. I went to Haight Street fair and it was fun, but I have been there a few times before and nothing really excited me. I bought a cute tie-dyed tank top and some homemade patchouli soap called Hippiechick. That temporarily made me laugh. I also watched too many bad movies and knitted too much. I finally got myself up and went to the beach but it was foggy, and it was covered with thousands of these little jellyfish:
I'm using up my leftover skein of Lorna's Laces "Sherbet" to make the Blueberry Waffle socks (a venerable old internet pattern from 1998) with Stasia's sock knitting instructions.
My first batch of fiber arrived in the mail today so I can try some more spinning!
posted by Stella 4:54 PM
Friday, June 5, 2003
Slightly tramatic day but it seems to be working out ok. For some cheesy, annoying reason, my new business cards suddenly say "CAD Designer", even though for the last 3 years I have been a "CAD Manager". And I think there is a BIG difference. WAY big. So big it made me f***ing cry this morning. So I had write a memo to the guy in charge in NY explaining why since he wants to understand my issue. Mostly the issue is that I'm tired of hitting my head on the glass ceiling but I had to phrase it more professionally. Here I am, oh so proud of finally not being a secretary anymore, and being a teeny tiny little technical manager and they take it away. Of course, my boss backed me up, but he is out of here and on toward Canada. But that was really nice of him. He said "no question." But be that as it may. This afternoon I had a nice talk with the Big Boss, and not even about the petty cards, and I'm feeling much better. I always do. That's why like working here, I guess when you trust the guy who owns the place, it helps.
I rode my bike, so if there is a Critical Mass today, I'm ready. I need to tune in to the local subversive underground and find out if it's happening. I just wish I had the hookup. Abby Hoffman would be proud.
And I won another auction:
Mmmmm. Pretty sky fiber.
Now that I don't have a knitting project, or any fiber to spin, I'm actually working on my needleturn applique for the Hawaiian quilt. Notice the missing borders.
Here is a picture of my bobbin with my first yarn - yeah it looks like it's just a mass of fiber, but really, it's spun yarn. Honest.
posted by Stella 3:53 PM
Thursday, June 5, 2003
I felt very smug last night. I rode my bike yesterday so I was home early (because when I ride, then I don't go to Crunch). So I'm watching That 70's Show (love that Kelso guy- mmmmmmh) and frowning at my wheel 'cause I can't figure it out. I decided to try again, and mess with what I'm calling the "brake" but it might well be what Kate called the tension (on 6/01/03). Anyway, I finally managed to spin some yarn! Yeah! The fiber actually spun around itself, not just around the bobbin. And I got that groovy, spacey feeling that I love as I was drafting and treadling along. My guilt is gone!
Then somebody outbid me on one of my ebay auctions. Thank you ebay gods. But I still have one of them going. Don't anybody take that one from me! I want it now that I know I can spin it!
posted by Stella 11:28 AM
Wednesday, June 4, 2003
Voila!
posted by Stella 6:50 PM
I really finished the Cheesylove sweater yesterday. I took a photo but (because I'm a confused person) I left my USB cord at home. The sweater fits great. I crocheted around the neckline instead of knitting it because I liked it larger, and I could not pick up the right amount of stitches. Thanks, Kate, for an awesome pattern. It was easy to follow the instructions, too. This is the heaviest sweater I own - I'm ready to go to Canada! Coincidentally, my boss is moving to Toronto, of all places... At least the heat wave is over and Mother Nature's AC (the fog) is back.
I know what was making feel so strange, it was the heat, the paint fumes and PMS - yes, I'm telling the world - how empowering. At least there was nothing seriously wrong with me.
...oops. I got distracted on ebay. Look what I just bought:
It's called Colonial Top Wool Roving. I'm bidding on two more and then, NO MORE. I PROMISE. Somebody else please bid higher on my auctions. This is way too easy.
posted by Stella 4:25 PM
Monday, June 2, 2003
I'm feeling so strange today. I hope it has to do with the weird weather - it is SO hot which is very unusual, and my energy level keeps dropping. I went to Pilates class but they are painting the gym and it was very hot - maybe the paint fumes?
I think I found a simlar yarn to Rowan Calmer which I have been wanting. It's called Jo Sharp Desert Garden and it's 65% Cotton, 35% Microfiber. It is in my Webster's catalog (but I don't think it is on their site yet).
My Mom gave me some money this weekend, which makes me very happy - except I can't decide how to spend it! Should I pay for a. Massage School b. a new matress c. a big fat car payment d. car insurance, or what?
I'm going to knit & watch TV now - tomorrow, there will be a finished project!!!
posted by Stella 8:39 PM
Sunday, June 1, 2003
June, my favorite month, it has my birthday in it, the Haight Street Fair, a BBQ with the work people, and the beginning of summer.
I put the wheel together Friday night and yesterday. The ebay seller had done an awesome job of packing it - all the screws were halfway screwed into their respective holes, wrapped in paper, wrapped in tape, all ends wrapped in paper, and then everything wrapped in bubble wrap. The box was stuffed with more bubble wrap and tiny little styrofoam balls in individual ziplock baggies. Dude!
From this...
So I looked at a picture in my Webster's catalog and assembled it. The only difficult part was that the metal pin that holds the wheel in place on the axis was stuck into the axis and I could not pull it out. My Dad's advice was to stick a nail in the other side and hammer it and that worked. (My neighbor did that - I was scared to break it.) I cleaned it and furniture polished it, and WD-40'd the moving parts a little.
To this!
Then I started to practice (until I had a headache.) I started to spin yarn that was already spun to understand the mechanics. So the treadle powers the big wheel, which turns the little wheel via the two threads, which turns the thing with the cuphooks via its axis. I figured out the break which holds the bobbin still. I also determined which direction to spin the wheel in order to give my yarn more spin, and which direction un-spins it. There is also a knob which adjusts the tension of the thread but I don't know how tight it needs to be yet.
I was not very successful at actually spinning fiber. It would wrap around the bobbin, but it wasn't spun around itself (weird). So I went to the bookstore to get a book on spinning, but they did not have any. I guess I'm very far out right now. I'm not sure what to try next. Maybe I'll ply some of the singles I've done on my drop spingle. Stay tuned.
Of course, my evil inner critic (called Simon) called it all "not good enough" and "you paid too much". So I knitted some on Cheesylove while watching "Signs" again. Such a cool movie. It made me cry. And I made some lemon bars from scratch. They are not very lemony - Krust-Eeze has me beat there, but my crust is better than theirs.
posted by Stella 9:09 AM
Taseti
Sunshine
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